Well, The Clock Says It's Time To Close....

or How To Get Over Your Fears Of Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop.



Tick tick tick. Found out. Unrest. Surprise. Secret meetings. Paranoia. Political machinations. Rebellions. Feints. Feint within feints. Wheels within wheels. Plastic smiles. Pats on the back. Attaboys. Gods, I'm starting to sound like Todd.

My current job life is like a John Le Carre spy novel, only with all the exciting stuff taken out.

And all of this before noon. Thank Kali it's only a half day.

But what's the next lilypad, you ask. Ask away. Bombs away. No idea.
Sarah and I talked about that last night.
It was a good conversation.

What is Josh's goal. What should I do with myself? What do I want? Who do I want to be?

In my secret heart - I want to write fantasy novels - like the people that I read in my youth: Tolkien, Brooks, Weis & Hickman, Herbert, Salvatore and then later Jordan, J.V. Jones, Goodkind, Marco, and Martin....Martin most of all he's ruined me for all other fantasy writers. And then you have people like China Mieville who are using the classic fantasy trappings and mixing them with steampunk elements and then spinning the whole thing off in another direction.

Swords and magic and dragons and wizards and stuff, not mindless hack and slash - but that is just a setting that I enjoy and those are just worlds that I know people enjoy escaping too. Like me - in that stuffy library on Dunn Avenue, pouring over and over books...ever since I read The Hobbit. And then Lord Of The Rings. And Shannara. And Dragonlance. And Dune. And Drizzt. The Wheel Of Time. The Baker's Boy. Wizard's First Rule. Game Of Thrones.

But the thing is - I don't know if there's any talent or stories inside of me. I haven't written anything longer than a haiku in almost three years now. Plus, there's a million (millions) of people out there who want to be a writer. And they probably have more talent and more luck and more drive.....

Why can't I be more ambitious? I don't know. Where do you get the balls big enough to go after something so crazy and scary? Funny, I'm thinking of a quote from one of Robert Jordan's books in The Wheel Of Time series:


He who would brave the heights, must walk the path of daggers.


And then there's this fun little bit of made up language from Game Of Thrones: valar morghulis
Which means: All Men Must Die
I like that too seems very Greek or Roman, didn't the Romans have a motto like: Remember That You Are Mortal.
We all have limited time. 25 years of it slipped by pretty damn fast already, yes.
Brass ring, right.
Grab.
Lunge.
Fall.
Break.
Maybe.
Worth it.

But first there's this pesky little problem of feeling like I could be fired any day now.....
Next lilypad, please.

If you're feeling froggy, jump....