What is this post about?
Saying what's on your mind.
This year seems so strange to me.
And 2005 seems like this blank wilderness.
One more notch closer to what I consider adulthood.
A little less wiggle room for all the bullshit I create for myself.
Shouldn't I know what 'it' is yet? By now...
The man behind the curtain.
I want to be stronger, smarter. Confident.
I want to actually like myself.
I want to make my friends laugh.
I want my Mom and Dad to be proud of me.
I want my friends to be happy - all of them.
What else? What else is there in this rotten melon head of mine?
I've lost sight of a lot of things that make me happy.
I've given over power to other people.
It's getting too late in the day to be weak, small.
It's getting too late to think limited and small.
2005 is this blank space.
I've wasted a lot of potential, a lot of moments of...clarity...like this one.
I know the things I like, I know the people I love, I know where I want to be (or at least I feel a dim glowing in some direction -- which is worlds away from the darkness I normally see)
If this is really me - why can't I stay like this all the time?
How do I do it? Maintain. Expand. Adapt. Evolve. La Dee Da.
This aspect of myself feels like it's made out of twigs -- it could break, snap, fall in on itself any second.
House of Cards.
How can I make this person stronger....make him stick around?
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