Love, Love Will Tear Us Apart, Again

There's nothing quite like waiting five hours to vote to make you truly love the democratic process.
Cause if I was indifferent to who wins this election, my ass would have been gone after about thirty minutes.
I showed up at the library yesterday at 1:30 pm and didn't cast my vote until 6:30 pm. I'm not hedging a single second, that's exactly how long it took. The line didn't move for an hour and a half at one point (someone broke the machine that collects the ballots, we found out). But done is done and fun is fun and I did my part to vote that Rat Bastard out of office. Enough political rumblings.

This past weekend's shows went well. Amber and Brian and Rob came on Saturday. They ruled. They yelled callbacks (Buy an umbrella, you cheap bitch!!) and they were on the front row of a side where I have a lot of moments, so that was cool. So far, all three Saturday shows have been the best, in my opinion. The Halloween show was a good show -- but I was out of it, tired, a little depressed -- and I felt like I phoned in a lot of my performance -- but the audience ate it up and the rest of the cast was on. After the show, I went to I Bar with some of the cast (Tyler, Ward, Steve S., Susan, Kim, Seth, Katrina, Steve French). And I had a pretty good time, dancing and hanging out. I wasn't going to dance but then a combination of Kim pulling me and the DJ choosing that moment to play the Joy Division song that's become a minor anthem to me changed my mind. Kismet. Didn't get home until 4 am (I've never been at a club when they turned the 'ugly lights' on - so, that was a first for me)

Called in Monday (hence no posts, no computer). Voted. Then drove to Sarah's and we went to Elizabeth's for 1940's Radio Hour rehearsal, which went well. We have such a great cast of people, talented, fun, nice -- the only miserable thing is going to be the time crunch we are all under (we open December 2nd!!!). I have to say that I think 1940's is going to be my last show for some time. I need a breather, a break. Now, I know that as soon as I'm not in a show two things will happen: I'll start jonsing to be in a show, and everyone I know will be cast in something and I won't have anyone to hang out with. But I think it's time. Between rehearsal and the madness that is the closing of the year, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's -- I'm gonna be burned to slag.

Plus, I've decided that 2005 is my Year To Finish My BA In English. Cue The Avenue Q soundtrack, "What do you do, with a BA in English, what is my life going to be? Four years of college and plenty of knowledge, have earned me this useless degree. Can't pay the bills yet, cause I have no skills yet, the world is a big scary place. But somehow I can't fight the feeling that might make a different to the human race!!"

With loans and some time and gritted teeth, I think I can do it. What happens after that is anyone's guess. I think that I'd like to take that teacher's certificate test that Amber took -- maybe teacher some retarded 8th graders about the joys of haiku and Frost and Huckleberry Finn. Perhaps by doing that, I'll find a way to make something of myself. Can you hear it? The tick tick tocking of my twenties slipping away -- "Grow up, you useless fucker, grow the fuck up!!".

I don't know if that'll make me happy or make me feel complete or whatever -- I just know that I don't want to be a 30 year old file clerk (I don't really want to be a 25 year old file clerk, you know). But all that aside -- I feel the call, the pull, to finish up that aspect of myself. if nothing else, it'll give my Mom something new to bitch about (what will it be, school/college has been her thing for so long -- well before 1997 when I graduated).

How to maintain this drive in the face of the horrible beaucratic fucking sinkhole nightmare cue line that is the college experience???? I don't know. I do not know.

So, yeah, it looks like come the New Year, I'm taking a break from the stage (of course, I think Bay Street is doing The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 and I must be in that!!). But I think school is going to be the focus in 2005.
That's the plan, anyway.