I'm Right At The Edge. I Don't Know What's Going To Happen

Things were going so well - now this. This place. Why is it that I can let a building be so draining and powerful?
It seems like a waste of time to stay here, a defeat. The rest of 2005 is there, waiting. But for how long? Run fast, stand still. Then the pragmatic part of me says: Please Gods Above don't just walk out of this building or give notice without already having something else lined up - remember that lesson from last year? Can't afford two months out of work. Nope.
It's just - the air here, it feels heavy as a disease. I don't know how everything here went so bad - but its well beyond my power to fix or heal. Belly of the fucking beast. Mummy rot. Plague. Yes, I'm being dramatic - I'm a dramatic person, what do you want from me - reason. No no no - what you'll get from me is an icy rime of paranoid ticks.
I love so many other aspects of my life. I just want a 'work life' (the place you have to spend 40 hours out of your week) to be satisfying, somehow, on some level. I'm not at this stage in my life asking for a dream job (I don't really have one) - just a place where I can earn a living and not feel like a cog (or in my case - a square peg hammered into a round hole).

I want out of here, at least. As my Dad would say: It's been Real. It's been Fun. But I can't say it's been Real Fun.

More posts later, if I get the chance.