Thursday, January 13, 2005

Broke Down Palace

I''ve got this bad feeling. I can't place it. I don't know if it's work, or personal, or just me. But it's there. 13 days into the New Year and all of my glass-half-full feels...fake, a put on, a sham. I don't want it to be. What's bugging me? Slippage. Faker. Grin. Bogus. Where did this bad feeling come from - it has to be me - why do I want to kick the chair out from underneath myself? Creeping. Feeling. Sinking feeling. Last night at yoga, while we were doing balances, I just kept thinking to myself: Maintain, maintain, maintain. It's normal to have doubts and bad feelings and other people go on, do their thing, shrug it off, beat it up. That's what I need to do. Premonition. It's not a premonition. I'm just like this, I suppose...
Okay okay okayokayokay OKAY OKAY OKAYOKAYOKAY Enough of that. Over. Done. Deal. Dead. Deal. Finish. Complete. Fun is fun and done is done. It's just a feeling, not a physical law of the fucking Universe. You don't like something change it. You don't like your bad feeling, deal with it, handle it. Don't be such a fucking coward. This feeling doesn't have to set your path for the next twenty years.

Get happy you bastard. Smile, cocksucker.

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