Bugger You All

A tiny ant, three of its six legs crushed, moves slowly along. It can only walk in ever decreasing spirals.

More and more rooms are dark, lightbulbs smashed, doors locked and chained.

Trials and tests and feints and small, meaningless lies.

Boarded up, repressed, stifled. Slippage.

No words left on the vocabulary list - they've all been scratched off.

All the maps shrink to little patches. Mongol hoards, dragons, blank white space. Surrounded.

Hours crash and recede, endless and futile and the same. Over and over.

Scenes are written and repeated with only slight variations. Tricks. Overlap. Loops. Whorls.

Prisoner. Test subject. Slave. Flunky. Beggar. Confessor.

Sick of everyone. Tired. Frustrated. The rules are written in Chinese ideograms. All the service lines are down.

Box jellyfish stinger. Sharp teeth. Lungs full of water. Fingers stained with chalk and calculus problems.

Tarot flip. Fool. Hanged Man. Wheel Of Fortune. The Devil. The Empress. Death. Life.

The black and red of a roulette wheel - no gray, no black & white. No strategy. Random. Bitch-goddess Luck.

I've been here before. This place. I hate this place. I hate this place.

And yet I end up here every fucking time. Every non-confrontation, every non-decision, every swallow, every blink, every jet of semen, every smile, every half-truth, every defeat, every step...brings me back here: mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally...

Baboon. Ape. Mindless. Stupid. Speechless. So easy to just dismiss me. I make it easy.

I don't have the Words. The Voice. I'm not worth it, really.

This doesn't help.

Bugger You All.