Mom's reaction upon seeing my five week old beard (The Che, or The Fidel, as I call it now):
'OH SHIT! OHHHH Shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.' Priceless.
Mom and Dad came down for the day to see POE and that makes me really glad. Amber and Brian saw the show last night and we went out with the cast afterwards. Saturday's show and today's show were pretty decent.
Had lunch at Brian's (not Amber's Brian - the greasy spoon near my house). Talked, laughed, ordered grouper. It was a good time.
Overall, it was good to see everybody, to see my family. Even Mom. I don't think she quite realizes the way she pushes my buttons - she means well, she's a good person - but sometimes in the middle of talking to her - I get this overwhelming sense of doom. I'm not good enough - I'm wasting myself - I don't know. She just wants what's best for me, or something better for me. Right before I went backstage, she asked if I wanted to move back to Jacksonville, live with them, finish school up there, get it out of the way, start over...and I know that her heart is in the right place - it just made me feel like...instead of doing anything productive, for me, for my future...I'm doing this shitty little community theatre show, for free, wasting my time, circling the drain...and I realize that that's NOT what she intended at all, it's just my negative reaction...I don't know. I mean, it's not like I don't want something better for myself, something stable. Some future. It just gives me this empty feeling, this feeling like I just want her to not worry, to be proud...but then, I'm not exactly doing anything worthy of being proud of...unless living paycheck to paycheck by the skin of your teeth with no prospects is suppose to somehow be admirable in a bohemian way and I don't think it is.
Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent. They both enjoyed the show. A little weird and the ribbon dance was a little too sexed up, maybe. But overall they enjoyed it and I'm trying to hold on to that. Mom said that she learned a lot about Poe and that it's always good to learn something. It was good to see them. I miss them, in my own way. I miss them a great deal.
So, tonight, it looks like a little cook out over at Kevin and Anna's place. Maybe watch ROME. hang out. The weather is flirting with the idea of being nice and cool. Should be fun.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Your tangent kind of sounds a little like a breakthrough... realizing that your mother only meant what she offered and that anything you "read" into it is probably your own filters and insecurities. That's a good thing - you can't change her, you can only change your reactions to her.
What were the lyrics to that Becky Fisher song? "You can't make me feel less than I am..."
I love you no matter what, so there. Take that, Mom.
Post a Comment