She's My Sister (Slap) She's My Daughter (Slap) She's My Sister And My Daughter.

Just came home from the Oedipus audition. Pretty low key and fun. Saw Jenn and Marcie and Tyler and Kim there. Jeff is auditioning for it later tonight too. I read a scene with John - then went out to the courtyard to work on this African / Tribal dance thing. Even though I was a little concerned about it, it wasn't bad. I hung around for a while afterwards, just chatting with Jenn and Marcie and everybody. Don't know who will make it in - but I'm fine no matter how it plays out. Another show or a break - either way. It would be fun to do another show with Jenn and Jeff, I would love to be in a show with Marcie, John's great to work with, and I don't know...we'll just see how this falls together.

My call for ITW tonight is 9 pm. Fucking A that's late. I wish that I weren't so bored with the whole thing already.

Thoughts & Prayers

Please send all the prayers and good vibes and thoughts you have Jeff and Miss Sally's way.

Oh My God Tell Me More

As many of you know, I have a huge fixation on the artist SHAG and his paintings.
I want to dive into one of his painting and live there.
And now, I may not have to attempt that because someone has decided to take that energy and vibe and bring in into the real world

www.shagwithatwist.com

A Knightly Farce

So, the Thursday show for Trapezium started at 7 pm, not 8. Jeff was still on I-4 at 7:15 (just passing the Mall). We weren't able to make it. Not as big a deal for us since our tickets were comps but Steve actually bought a ticket for the show - luckily, they let him exchange his day with no problem.

I ended up having an impromptu 'horrible' movie night, a double feature of Starship Troopers and Queen Of The Damned. Both so vile and awful that I could feel how much I was wasting my life by watching them -- but their siren call of lameness was just too seductive. Ever decreasing concentric circles...each new level putting more of a sneer rictus on my face. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Sarah and I rented The Village last night and I really liked it (even with the quote unquote twist). Bryce Dallas Howard was really good in it.

I should probably save this for a quiz - but I'm curious:

What is your favorite word to insert 'fucking' into the middle of?

Mine, two: un-fucking-believable & abso-fucking-lutely

What is your favorite subsitute curse word?

Lately: Jeezum Crow. I have no idea where I got it from.

When you really lose it, what vileness pours out of your mouth?

As one long stream: sonofabitchcocksuckingshitbastardfuck
Again, I have no idea why I always use that combination - but the fact that I always use that combination is what made me want to know if anyone else has a 'go to' curse word or series of words.

When was the last time you raged at the Heavens in frustration?

Maybe back in December. Can't remember the date exactly but I can remember being alone in my parked car screaming: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK almost barking the word until my vocal felt raw and shredded.

Okay, let's calm down for a second.

Time to go to my new Nipsy Russell:

I want to be Uncle Vanya.
I want to be Uncle Vanya.
I want to be Uncle Vanya.
I want to be Uncle Vanya.
I want to be Uncle Vanya.

Once Upon A Time In College Park, Where They Live Life Fast And They're Scared Of The Dark

I love my neighborhood.

Just finished Part Two of my day with Caseley. We went on a long walk around College Park. Down Vassar, across Florinda, up New Hampshire, back across Reading, and back to Vassar. Caseley is a weird mixture of timid-I'm-a-mountain-you'll-never-move-me-I'm-spooked and plough-ahead-almost-choking-on-leash-strain-to-move-faster-cars?-fuck-cars-let's-go-go-go. So, I switched between two personalities myself: one that enjoyed the tug of a fast moving dog walking like she's been given a mission from God Almighty, zoning, looking at houses for rent (and sale) -- and another, more hardcase, this-is-for-your-own-good, we gotta move drill instructor-get-the-fuck-off-my-obstacle, Pile!! - who made little noises to Casely, 'psst, psst' to indicated that the middle of Princeton is no place to cop a squat.

I like dog walking. It's sort of a determined aimlessness.

Then we got back to Jeff's and I presented her with her food bowl (which she was completely uninterested in this morning during Part One of my journey today) and she went to town on it to much, "goodgirlgoodgirl gooooddd girrrrrrrl good girl yes she is you were hungry yes you were goodgirl good girl goood grrrrrrrrll" from me. Then we layed on the couch for about twenty minutes: Panting and dozing, respectively. Now, in a couple of hours I'll go over for Part Three and give her some more attention.

-----------------------------------------

Jeff and I are going to go see Trapezium tonight. Oddly enough, this is Part Two of a possible Three times for me. Saw it with Amber and Kevin and Marcie last week. Tonight with Jeff. And sometime before it closes with Sarah. Thank good orderly direction for free tickets. The show was really good, my kind of funny, so I think it'll hold up upon multiple veiwings. Snide remarks about Heather Leonardi being in the cast will be ignored.

-----------------------------------------

Had lunch downtown with Sarah today and as we were walking back to her building, we saw Sarah Matthews walking the other way and I had this dorky urge to just bust out into a Courtnet Love sounding chorus of: "I'm not your Raggedy Anne, you're not my Andy - I'm not your Barbie Doll, you're not my candy." Sarah was correct, I made the right choice in curbing that impulse.

-----------------------------------------

And, okay, I'll say it: I'm not that impressed with the cast of Into The Woods. Not yet anyway. Sometimes that sucks because there are cast members that seem nice - but who aren't that great. And sometimes it makes me curl my nose like I have a bag of Caseley's shit in my hand, cause they're really diva-like, with no talent to back diva behavior. I leaned over to the girl playing Cinderella's Mother last night and said: "It's not a bad gig: being a tree or a cow in this show, is it?" She agreed.

----------------------------------------

Hmmm? Do I think a certain level of talent justifies diva behavior? (As I read my last paragraph a voice in my head - one that sounded strongly like Marcie just asked me that question). Ummm, no, I don't think any amount of talent justifies or excuses diva (or let's not be so theatre for a moment: dickhead) behavior.

----------------------------------------

Still trying to figure out what to do for my birthday. I'm thinking of see if Gina and Geoff and Kevin and Megan and Ethan want to do, like, a MegaCon/Into The Woods/Celebration of Josh's Birth on the 2nd weekend of Into The Woods - on the 26th of February - that's the only day that I can go to MegaCon and that would save you guys from coming down two weekends. (Cause, let's face it - I pick and choose my Jacksonville trips very carefully and I can't expect people to come down to Orlando two weekends back to back). I'll try to call you this weekend to flesh things out. Free weekends on my cell. As for the 18th - I think that'll be my Orlando peeps and maybe some members of ITW and Amber and (possibly) my Mom and Dad. Something low key at my place, I'm sure. Problem is, there having some kind of reception at the theatre on Opening Night (aka my birthday). Don't know yet how bad that'll screw things up.

-----------------------------------------

Turned in two more applications to the Library. Dropped off one last night for Fossil. Sarah emailed my resume to a postion at a bank in Winter Park as a 'peak hours teller', like, 11 am to 2 pm. Tick tock, right.

-----------------------------------------

MAKE MINE (FAKE) MUSIC

1) What is the name of your imaginary band?

Random Bastards

2)What is the name of your imaginary band's first album?

Hardboiled & Loaded With Sin

3) What is the name of your imaginary band's hit single?

Philip Marlowe

4) What instrument do you play in your imaginary band?

Bass

5) Your imaginary band is like a cross between....?

Mark & Lorna and Beck

6) What is your imaginary side project called?

Like a Blonde Satan

7) What imaginary juicy dirt will we discover about your imaginary band on VH1's Behind The Music?

My love of cross dressing

8) Give us a sample lyric?

"Where have you gone, Jim Thompson?"

9) What song does your imaginary band cover?

Beck's "Cold Brains"

10) What real band joins your on tour?

Cosmic Pimps


-------------------------------


Material World - Money
Satin Sheets - Naked bums
Blizzard - Florida
Real Estate - Real Simple
Dress Up - I don't own a single pair of black pants.
Wesley - John's middle name
Robber - Cops
Saliva - Caseley
Slave - Jim Morrison
Shift - Werewolf

-------------------------------

At this point I'll drop the microphone and walk offstage.

Too Much Time

Time.
Time flies.
Time wounds all heels.
Time Bandits.
Time old dogs was dead, ain't you glad you a puppy.
Time Machine.
Time Magazine.
Time.


Hours, minutes, days, nanoseconds...I measure them in terms of how quickly an application can be filled out or how many push I can do...

Tonight we are in the big theatre at VCC (goodbye Black Box, we hardly knew ye). It'll be nice to create a few nice memories to balance out some of the miserable ones I have of that building, or at least of the lobby. All the shows I've seen there have been good (Marcie's Aunt Mary monologue is a benchmark I hold everyone to now).
I don't think Into The Woods will touch anyone quite like that...but I hope that it's a good product, something people enjoy. Funny thing is...as much as I wanted to do ITW...I feel detached from the whole process. I don't know if it's the knowledge that my costume is going to be a pale refection of what I imagined or what...or if there's more to it...maybe it's feeling looked down upon as, "the cow, hahaha' by people that (singing talent taken out of the equation) I'm more talented than. I don't know. The whole thing just seems like, "Oh yeah, I'm in Into The Woods, we open in a few weeks". No nerves. No excitement. No...no nothing. Six shows, then next....and I'm hoping that next is working with John Didonna on Oedipus The King. I know, I know...I should be thinking about all these resumes and applications...and I am. I just feel like...one of these things will play out and that will be that...I'm still in the running for the Rollins job...the museum doesn't open until this fall (after renovations). I wonder what sort of talent pool John will pull in. All I think about is the next show...my hobby consumes me. Last night Steve was telling me about a One Act he's writing with a part for me in mind. Him being the theatre queen that he is, I'm pleased that he thinks I'm good enough to be involved. I always think of everyone else as the actors - Marcie, Sarah, Jeff, David - me: I'm a clown, a hobbyist, a pretender. I wish I had something...I don't know...more...I wish I could say I had a moment on stage like Marcie's Aunt Mary monologue (or was quick on my feet like David, or made everything seem easy like Sarah, or could command an audience like Jeff)...maybe my moment is on the horizon. Maybe it'll happen while I'm wearing a hideous cow head. Or maybe Oedipus. Or Picasso. Or something at Fringe. Or Steve and David's show. I hope I'm open to it if/when it happens.

Tomorrow is: more applications turned in various places, more push ups, maybe finally going to Target to return that stuff, maybe (if he doesn't have a date) going with Jeff to Trapezium....Friday, Sarah's off.....some mischief, I'm sure....then, the weekend....I can't think that far ahead. I'm numb from time.

"A TOAST TO TIME." - FRANCIS FARMER, NIRVANOV

We remember the things we want to, the way we want to remember them. My color blue is not your color blue. Truth is relative. Truth is relative. Your side, my side, no side. It doesn't matter. And fifty years from now...wait, maybe less than that...it won't matter. Good or bad...marks need to be scratched onto the surface of the planet. WE WERE HERE. I'd piss my name onto the moon if that was a talent I was given. Moments. Gathered. I carry some dim memory of everyone. And I'm carried by your too, good or ill. Print the legend. Memory and Thought -- weren't those Odin's raven's names? I'll refrain from breaking out into, 'Dust In The Wind' - and I'm sure you'll thank me. My mood is just...strange right now...not low...not bleak...but there's bleak stuff on my mind...it just doesn't make me feel depressed...I don't know how to describe the feeling. Maybe it can be described as unemployed. Too much time. It darkles. It tincts. It plays tricks, rewards, banishes, tortures.

Time for more push ups. How many can be done between now and six when it's time to go Into The Woods?

Must...Complete...Quiz...

A - Accent - Southern, I'm sure. Maybe not as thick as others but I've no doubt that is I traveled to any other region of the country, people would know I'm from the South.

B - Bra Size - I wore a sports bra in Rocky. A small. I miss that bra. Oh, who am I kidding, I'm wearing it right now. Hire me, America.

C - Chore I hate - I actually like most chores, household chores but I don't care for folding laundry.

D - Dad's name - Dad has a name? Oh, Gary Lewis Geoghagan (The First)

E - Essential Make Up - Urban Decay Asphyxia Eye Shadow

F - Favorite Perfume - There was this ginger perfume from Origins that Sarah use to have...

G - Gold or Silver - Silver, I suppose.

H - Hometown - Jacksonville, Florida, the first 20 years of my live.

I - Interesting Fact - George Reeves, the actor who portrayed Superman in the 1950s, died of a self inflicted gunshot wound.

J - Job Title - On The Dole

K - Kids - I like kids, they're usually pretty cool.

L - Living Arrangements - Condo in College Park.

M - Mom's Birthplace - Jacksonville, I assume.

N - Number of Apples Eaten Last Week - # of apples eaten this year - None.

O - Overnight Hospital Stays - When I was in kindergarten I was really sick, was in the hospital for what felt like a month, a couple of weeks, at least.

P - Phobias - Heights, Deep Places, Clowns, Close Spaces...

Q - Question you ask yourself a lot - Why am I like this?

R - Religious Affiliation - None. Things are either simple (the candle goes out...) or vastly complex (the candle goes out...then Something Else).

S - Siblings - 1 sister, 3 brothers

T - Time I Wake Up - This morning? 7 am.

U - Unnatural Hair Color - At the moment, licorice black

V - Vegetable I Refuse To Eat - Even vegetables I dislike I'll still eat - like when Dad use to make lima beans - I knew if I didn't eat as much as possible, we'd have stupid lima bean leftovers all week.

W - Worst Habit - Wallowing in Misery (Real or Imagined)

X - X-rays - not in quite a while.

Y - Yummy Food I Make - My chili kicks ass.

Z - Zodiac Sign - Aquarius. Although some books say I'm an Aquarius- Pisces Cusp.

Blathering Blatherskite

My eyes are burning. My throat is raw. I can't breath. Humans just weren't meant to be in a small enclosed space, spraying Lysol Mildew Remover (with Bleach) willy-nilly. Had to take a small break from my cleaning to let my eyes cool off (and open the window in the bathroom). I just wanted to keep going, despite the burning tears leaking from my eyes -- get it done, clean, finish. The kitchen is finished. The bathroom is almost done. Next on the list is the living room, followed by a Early Jump On Spring Cleaning look at my bedroom. If that all happens today, we'll clean out my car. That's the theme today - scrubbing corners (my version of prayer), listening to music, and rearranging some things. At some point I have to buy garbage bags (I'll refrain from sidetracking into my single roommate pet peeve). There's no Into The Woods rehearsal for me tonight. That means candlelight yoga for me. I may go up to the gym a little early and join David on the treadmill (depending on how the cleaning goes). Tomorrow begins a new round of looking for a job. I have so many resumes floating out there and applications too -- probably lining birdcages. If I can get motivated, I'm going to go to that Tuesday morning ashtanga class - might be a nice way to get a little jolt of good orderly direction to begin the day tomorrow. Groceries have to be bought too. And some stuff from Target. I wonder how the pictures Amber took will turn out?
(They got these pictures of everything - to break us down, yeah, to break me down. -- that's for Amber)

Here is a quiz that Geoff has up on his blog:

1) Describe yourself in 20 words or less.
Funny. Compulsive. Creative. Smart. Morbid. Odd. Geeky.
2) Handguns. What do you think?
I've never shot one. The thought of holding a loaded gun makes me feel a little sick to my stomach.
3) Tell me about a film that you love that you want to share with others.
Unbreakable is M. Night Shyamalan's best movie. It's a perfect superhero story. I hate that of all his movies, it's seen as the worst.
4) Do you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about your past?
(I'm guessing that Geoff does). Umm, never in the middle of the night - but every day, at some point, I think about the past - something I did, something I should of done different, something I wish I could relive.
5) What were you doing ten years ago?
Probably hating 9th grade and writing poetry about it.
6) What kind of girl/guy do you like?
Redheads. Talented. Funny. Smart.
7) Pitch me a horror film set in New Orleans in the 1940s
A detective is trying to find his femme fatale client's sister, who has fallen into the hands of cultists who worship Cthulhu and plan to use the girl in a ritual that will help bring The Old One out of his slumber. As the detective learns more of the truth, his sanity is chipped away, creating strange twists in his perceptions -- maybe it's HIS client who is really the cultist...
8) Tell me something sappy.
When I was growing up, playing basketball in my backyard - the ball would sometimes get covered in pine tar - and so would my hands - the quickest way to unstick everything would be to go over to the big tank of kerosine my Dad had by the shed and dowse my hands and the ball with kerosine.
9) The alternative music of the late 80's and early 90's was great. What did you like back then?
Whatever happened to PM Dawn?
10) I want to throw a party. My theme will be Italian horror and film noir. Give me some ideas.
Have a bartender that knows how to make a sidecar.

Well, the fumes have probably died off enough by now, once more, into the breach (or is it onto? or unto? oh. for a muse of fire, who could tell me if that's the wrong word)

Spread Out, We Can Do More Damage That Way...

Well, the cast of Into The Woods bonded today a little -- over food.

Anne needed to work with a few people on a specific scene - so most of us were given a 15 minute break and told to get out of the Black Box. Out in the lobby were all these tables loaded down with food and all these VCC students and people with official name tags (some Awards Banquets for student who received scholarships). Of course, all of us jumped right in line and grabbed a plate - they had grapes, pineapple, melon, cheese, crackers (CHEESE AND CRACKERS?), chicken wings, spinach dip, tiny cheesecakes, brownies, cookies, meatballs, the works, right...
All of us sit down (me, David, Tyler, Zinnia, Charlie, Liza, John, Chad, Amanda, & Ashley) start talking, eating...a couple of minutes go by and then one of the official name tag people comes by and asks us what campus we're from...?

"East." John says.

And when the name tag lady turns around, we all scattered to the four winds, like bats. (If this were a movie, if Life were a movie, the audience would have hear that classic movie sound when a spider or other creepy crawly things makes its way across the screen).

Day Time Television

There's only so much I Love The 90s Part Deux you can watch before want to kill yourself.
Suppose that means it's time to get out of the house.

Relatively Prolific Blogger

THIS IS THE GAME THAT MOVES AS YOU PLAY.....

I wish I had this great story for you...about going into work on Tuesday and within 15 minutes of sitting down at my desk --- getting a phonecall from one of the HR people (always a bad sign) and putting my backpack back on, checking my desk for anything personal (cleared away weeks ago) and heading down to the HR person's office and lo and behold -- there's Terrence. Let's talk, shut the door please, Josh...followed by 10 minutes or so of HR and Management Speak (The Old Tongue, if you like) that made little to no sense and did I mention it was pointless. Turn it keys and keycard, go over this checklist...and then poof. Gone. Done. FIn. I really wish that that made a better story -- but it is what it is, Boring as Hell with a side order of Dull. But there it is for those of you that want to hear it.


I'd rather talk about Playfest and the amazing shows that I've seen or my little battle with the costume lady over my Milky White (or Dingy White, as I call it) costume or how funny and pointless it is to get annoyed by people posting to your or your friend's blogs or the places I've dropped off applications or how I'm not worried yet (although I can feel it under the surface of my skin) or what I want to buy at Publix or my birthday party or any other fucking thing on the planet....

Playfest ------- Has been really fun this year. The other ushers I've worked with have all been really nice.
The shows I've seen have all been great (all for different reasons).
The highlights:
Driving Miss Cherry Blossom - Eric Pinder and Karen Amano were wonderful.
Vine One Acts: Kim was great in See Rock City, Lucy Carney was so strong in The Anglo American Alliance (and, weirdly, she looks like my Mom)
Prisoners Of Love - was weird and fantastic and odd - both Andy Sapora and Elena Day were funny. Elena is the choreographer for Everyman at Mad Cow (with Sarah and Kim)
Nothing Happened - John Didonna's play, very intense. Featuring great work from Sarah and Christain Kelty.
Nirvanov - I fucking loved it before and I think it rocks now. Want to try and see it one more time before Playfest ends.
The Night They Kidnapped Barrymore - wonderful staged reading of a show that reminds me of why I like Picasso At The Lapin Agile so much.
ME ME ME ME - Amy Steinberg's show was exactly what I thought it would be - it was what I needed - it was nice.
Go Left Right - yay for me for not signing on to this project. Gods bless Tyler and Todd and the other actor in this show - but they are all held down by a really poor script by Al Pergande.

The Battle For Milky White will have to wait until another post.

BTTR DYZ

Well, there you have it.
No staring at broken doors.
Better days ahead.

Auto Response Message

Josh Geoghagan is out of the office today.

It's An Art

I couldn't stand to hear the lamentations of so many of my brothers and sisters, so here it is, the first QUIZ you've done in ages from Geoghagan Studios...where we know how it's done.This is 2005. And this is...

THE FIRST QUIZ OF THE REST OF YOUR YEAR.

1) Tell me about your mother.
My Mom has the misfortune of being cast as the straight man on the sitcom known as The Geoghagan Family. She means well. She tries.

2) Describe 2005 in one word.
lopsided.

3)If you were hosting Saturday Night Live, who would you want the musical guest to be?
Gwen Stefani - Heaven help me but everything I've heard from her new cd rules.

4) Tell us about something that's popular right now that you 'just don't get'...
I'm going to say 'happies'.

5)When was the last argument you were in?
December. I actually broke the windshield of my car with my fist. I have issues, I suppose.

6)What is you Mantra?
At work right now, it's: "I can't even imagine giving a shit." I must think that 100 times a day.
I WANT my mantra to be: Fortune Favors The Bold

7) A good nap or a good shit...?
I'm doing fine with the other, so I'm going to say a good nap would be amazing.

8)Who is your Mentor?
There are a lot of people in my life that I look to for inspiration: Jeff, Marcie, Steve, Natalie, Sarah, Amber...
But I don't know if I've singled myself down to one Mentor. I'm still looking.

9) Who, of all your friends, would you want to get into a physical fight with?
There aren't too many of you I think I could actually beat. If I wanted to win, I'd fight Matt. If I wanted a good match up - maybe me and Kevin (he's got the height and the strength and the reach but he's the only person I know with worst eyes than me)

10) Elphaba or Glinda?
Green all the way.

11) Make a sandwich.
Wheatbread. Peter Pan's Peanutbutter (Smooth - don't let me hear an heresy about Crunchy). Welch's Grape Jelly. And a little bit of honey (from that container shaped like a Bear).

12)Do you believe in psychics?
I don't know if I believe - but I want to believe in that kind of stuff. I know that Marcie gave me a Tarot reading a couple months ago and a lot of what the cards said have happened.

13) Favorite Ancient Empire.
Ummm, the Romans, hello....

14) What's a Question you want to see on one of these Quizzes?
This is just me doing market research for the next Quiz.

15) These are a few of my favorite things...
My Moleskin pocket notebook, pens with gel ink, LOST (not just the show - but all the geeky discussion of the show as well), Chex Mix: Sweet and Salty, and this blog

16) Quick! Staring contest: you and me.
You win, you always do.......(Cantone!!)

17) What is the most romantic thing you would want someone to say to you?
This Is Going To Hurt.

18) Who is your Arch Enemy?
Nobody foils my plans and schemes better than Josh Geoghagan.

19) Miss Scarlet, in The Study, with...
The rope......also a very good Hitchcock movie.

20) Now there's a fetish I could really get into...
Asphyxiation.

21) If it happens within our lifetime, would you want to help colonize Mars?
In a heartbeat. (I'm sure there are loads of psychological tests I would fail)

22) Do you kiss hello?
Not normally. No.

23) So, what makes you so special...?
Nothing really. I'm funny, I suppose.

24) Would you rather be eaten by a crocodile or a shark?
I'm going to say shark - because coupled with my fear of both animals, I also have a fear of deep water. Deep places. Very Lovecraftian of me (if I think about it too much even space seems really like the ultimate deep place). So, for me to be eaten by a shark - I must have been doing something pretty fucking bold.

25) Who are you really proud of right now?
My (insert heterosexual male term of affection here) Todd, for getting cast in his first show at UCF.

Nothing More Hopeless & Depraved Than A Man On An Ether Binge

Well, it's Friday, it's pissing down rain -- all my DNA tells me that this is the kind of day you should sleep in until noon. How many of you had nice warm beds this morning? Yeah, me too. And now, here I sit all broken hearted, my co-worker idiot stuck in traffic, so guess who's been asked to answer emails and requests? Me. Me, allowed to do this taboo thing - when there's no other choice. I can't quite tell exactly why it makes me mad - that I'm so far down the roster that three other people have to die before I'm given anything to do or that now I have to do work that I haven't done in almost five weeks and my memory of how to do it best is rusty. It's freezing cold at my desk, my slab in the middle of the room. There's not even any residual warmth from the 500 boxes that form a vague cubicle around me - and they usually retain heat. I'm wet, I'm cold. I'm bored, I'm broke.


It's Poptart time, I think. And the first of many cups of water. Back in a second.

The Bad News Wrapped Up In The Good News

Get Mad At Dem Damn Eggs!

Hmm. Every job I have sooner or later puts me in mind of Cool Hand Luke. Well. The good news is I'm drinking a lot of water. 20 to 25 large plastic cups of it a day. The twist of the knife is that I'm only drinking that much water because I know I have a bladder the size of an English pea. More water, more trips to the bathroom, more trips to the bathroom more avoidance of whatever Sisyphus-type task has been assigned to me to keep me busy. Move boxes to Point A. Oh, wait, move them back to Point B. No, put them at Point A in numerical sequence. Hold the phone - we need that stuff back at Point B again. The most control I have over anything at work is whether or not to wash my hands when I leave I bathroom. I try to surprise myself with that one, let it be a mystery: Will he or won't he? I need to be shut of this place soon. I wish today was my last day. Please let Rollins or The Library or both call me sooner rather than later. In my mind - I can make it through to next Friday, get my check, bills okay for January, and quit. Working next week would give me another, smaller check two weeks down the line. I just need one of these places to come through. I honestly don't think I can be there past next week. I don't.

Nipsy Russell Do The Hustle

Let me jump subject to tell you another of my strange OCD games. Those plastic cups I mentioned...I can never take the one off the top of the stack. I always have to pick one that's three or four down. I've convinced myself that the top cup of any stack of styrofoam or plastic cups is always laced with poison. Poison meant for me. Luckily for me, whoever is leaving it behind hasn't caught on to my trick and put the poison on the third or four cup...but give them time, they're only now learning my habits and moods and routines. On the flip side, once I have selected my cup and start in on my many glasses of water, the game changes into one we'll call: Hemlock or Laudanum. In this newly minted compulsion I pretend that the water I'm drinking is really one of the two aformentioned liquids. Poison or opiate, what's it to be? If only the secret organization trying to poison my cups knew that over half the time I poison myself later on, maybe they'd give up, find someone else to poison. I am taking some of the sport out of it, I suppose. Maybe in this scenario, I work for them. Over the teeth and past the gums, look out stomach here it comes. The laudanum is more or less a device to try and trick myself into calming down when I'm upset at work...ahhh...isn't...this...'water'...so...soothing...bliss...on...tap. Depending on what's going on it works just as well as saying, 'this to shall pass'.

What A Guy What A Guy

Just opened a letter a got from Mom and Dad. It has a bunch of the pictures they took of the cast after they saw The 1940s Radio Hour. It was a little weird standing out by the mailbox, opening the letter (in the back of my mind expecting some form of bill - that's about the only mail I get from Mom) and suddenly seeing Wally Fergusson staring up at me. Wally, standing with Connie, and my Dad and my nephew Michael, out in front of the theatre. Then another of Michael standing in front of that huge Christmas Tree. Then several grainy ones of the whole cast standing on stage. It's a fact: Everything that happens to me ends up feeling a million miles away. All of it, the good, the bad, the indifferent. My memory is such that even my greatest triumphs, worst failures, biggest humiliations, my few come from behind victories --- A lot of them seem as grainy to me as some of those photographs. Man, when things are sweet - taste the hell out of them - when things blow up in your face - ride it out. Lady or the tiger, either way. Damn, I mean, that was only a month ago - and I already feel like that guy is a different guy. Am I just in a mood. I don't think I'm in a mood. Fuck, I'm probably the worst judge of whether I'm in a mood or not. I feel a little odd. But I also feel 100% more alive than I feel all day at work - so that makes me feel good. I'm just prone to melancholy, I guess. Dwell. Overthink. Wound. Nurse. Plot. Sigh.


Piffle & Hog Wash.

The fact is you(me) are not without hope or prospects or friends or family or what have you. There are a thousand tiny, easy things that make you smile, that make you see the joy behind things. Focus on that, not the fucking soul eating job you're going to quit soon or the love affair you have with wrapping yourself in your own created despair. You control a lot more than you think. So play the Janet Jackson song on a motherfucking loop. This pawn moves on. This pawn moves on.

Tonight (...and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...)

...is Marcie and Kevin coming over to watch LOST (to catch up on some of the back episode I have saved on my Freevo)
...me cleaning up the house a bit
...Sarah and Jeff going to go see Phantom Of The Opera
...me relaxing cause tomorrow is Friday
...I might not have Into The Woods rehearsal until Saturday
...dropping off more applications, picking more applications up...

Playfest this weekend. Amber coming down Sunday. Next week (hell or high fucking water) my last week at Lowndes. Pay week. Bills. Groceries. Sarah in Nothing Happened. Todd and Tyler in Go Left Right. Into The Woods picking up speed, getting to talk to Anne about Milky White, Rollins AND The Library both calling me in to interview (bring on a fucking interview - right now I feel like I have interview-charm for days - maybe not the regular type of charm but an interview right now would be so fucking sweet).

There are a thousand little reasons to not be a miserable bastard. Being a miserable bastard means that those swine, those whoresons, those mongoloid idiots that you work with have rubbed your will down to a nub. Laugh or Cry.

I don't care that my eyebrows are thick - as long as there are two of them.

You may be a sad sack at times - but you are not joyless.

Jeezum Crow, what a weird fucking post.

Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors

It's not right to swing from fugue/despair to bleating, gibbering confident happiness in the span of less than an hour...I should be medicated. They locked my Mom away for this. Or did she go of her own accord. I can never remember. I'm like the fucking Mask of Tragedy and Mask of Comedy fused together.

Broke Down Palace

I''ve got this bad feeling. I can't place it. I don't know if it's work, or personal, or just me. But it's there. 13 days into the New Year and all of my glass-half-full feels...fake, a put on, a sham. I don't want it to be. What's bugging me? Slippage. Faker. Grin. Bogus. Where did this bad feeling come from - it has to be me - why do I want to kick the chair out from underneath myself? Creeping. Feeling. Sinking feeling. Last night at yoga, while we were doing balances, I just kept thinking to myself: Maintain, maintain, maintain. It's normal to have doubts and bad feelings and other people go on, do their thing, shrug it off, beat it up. That's what I need to do. Premonition. It's not a premonition. I'm just like this, I suppose...
Okay okay okayokayokay OKAY OKAY OKAYOKAYOKAY Enough of that. Over. Done. Deal. Dead. Deal. Finish. Complete. Fun is fun and done is done. It's just a feeling, not a physical law of the fucking Universe. You don't like something change it. You don't like your bad feeling, deal with it, handle it. Don't be such a fucking coward. This feeling doesn't have to set your path for the next twenty years.

Get happy you bastard. Smile, cocksucker.

Who's The Only One Here Who Knows Illegal Ninja Moves From The Government?

(Me.)



Sarah let borrow her DVD copy of Theatre Downtown's Rocky Horror Show.
We watched it over at Steve's last Sunday - it's pretty good quality.
I'm going to try and take another look at it tonight after yoga (and before watched Freevo'd LOST)
Hope it'll play in my Playstation...
There are some great moments on there for Jeff and Jenn and Todd and Natalie and John and Steve French and Ward...oddly enough, there should be more Tammy..and poor Steve had a lot of his moments chopped up...but there's a ton of Elton footage, including the condom in the nose bit from intermission...fun stuff.
I just wish we could have done a cast audio commentary...come on Seth, get with the program.
That would have been great...to talk about all the inside jokes and mishaps and bullshit and drama...

So Be It, Jedi.

Just found out from Cid Stoll (the coordinator for the ushers at Playfest) that the guy who performed The One Man Lord Of The Rings Trilogy at last year's Fringe - if you missed it, you missed out - may be back this year with his One Man Star Wars Trilogy (which I haven't seen yet). And he might perform it at Disney's Star Wars Weekends, as well. My geeky DNA cannot stand it.

Speaking of Cid Stoll - I'm having a blast emailing back and forth with her today - she's funny. All of these emails just because I don't own a pair of black pants (there's a dress code for ushers). I haven't even mentioned that I don't have a white polo shirt (don't want to be made fun of). I'm sure I can find a white shirt somewhere.

I'm glad my first ushering night will be: A) with Jeff. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever. Even though he totally invited me to go to Target and Best Buy yesterday. and B) The Vine One Acts, one of which is starring Kim Gray, who I really haven't seen in forever. It's always fun to see your friends onstage.

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You may have noticed some new links under my friends. Rebecca and Al. These are two former co-workers of mine from Borders that I'm pleased to reconnect with. Rebecca is an amazing singer and violinist and Al is an incredible spoken word artist, writer, and actor. Just being able to check in with them from time to time makes me smile.

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No Into The Woods for me tonight. They're working on music (and the music is hard - just talking about the microscopic bit I may have to sing from backstage). So, for me, that means one thing: yoga. Ah, bliss on tap - just a few down dogs away.

------------------

Just watched this new show on HBO, Unscripted. It was really good. About actors trying to make it in Hollywood. It has a documentary feel and a lot of celebrities appear as themselves. It's both really funny and really sad - mixed together.

Also in TV Land: 24 is good again. Jack Bauer is back. Medium is worth checking out - I'm going to give it a few more episodes. There's a new LOST tonight, maybe they're finally going to do something with the character of Shannon.

Gotta go. remind me to talk about Carnivale and Deadwood next time.

Crash

A plane crashed near my home yesterday evening. One of those little two person planes, on its way to the Executive Airport. Crashed on Dubsdread Golf Course...they had Par Street and Edgewater closed off. One person dead, the other airlifted to the hospital. It was weird, on the news they kept saying that the crash happened..."behind Edgewater High School"...now you could say it happened near Edgewater High School...the same way I can say it happened near my home...but it didn't happen "behind" the school...on their football field or something...makes me wonder how many times I've accepted something I heard on the news like that...when it was out of context...cause if I didn't live right down the road, I wouldn't know exactly where the plane crashed...it's just because I drive by that golf course every day of my life that I knew it wasn't that close to the high school. But the way they kept mentioning the high school...there were probably people freaking out.

The Light Is Getting Dimmer, I Think I See A Glimmer

Well, boxes on the CNL wall are now in numerical order.
Hopefully, a month from now, the previous sentence will seem a million miles away.

Let's talk about something else, shall we?

Into The Woods -
So glad that David and Tyler are in this show with me.
The cast seems pretty cool (but my Joshness realizes that there's still plenty of time for some of them to prove themselves bastards)
I know that Anne worked with a lot of the cast on back stories for their characters -- I haven't thought about how much of this Milky White will need? I've never played an animal before onstage. And while I realize this is a fairy tale -- how much should Milky White be 'aware' of the storyline? Am I like a Disney animal? I know this seems really strange to be concerned with...at least it does to me. My instinct is telling me that I (Milky White) is a little smarter than the average bear (or...cow)...so I should prepare/ think about my backstory...

Playfest is this weekend!!!
I'm going to usher for them several times over the next week.
I'm going to get to see Nirvanov again. (Great Fucking Show)
And Prisoners Of Love
And Driving Miss Cherry Blossom
And ME ME ME ME
And See Rock City (with Kim Gray)
And Nothing Happened (with Sarah, directed by John Didonna) - Sarah came home from the rehearsal yesterday really exciting about this show, so now I'm really exciting as well.
And Go Left Right (featuring Tyler and Todd, directed by Seth)
I'm really looking forward to this.
Wow, volunteering is fun! (Who knew?)

4:54 Is A Magic Number

Here I go again on my own. Back at work. With all the dankness of a prison. Azkaban, maybe.
Or where did they send Steve McQueen in Papillion? Devil's Island.
(Yes, dear, he's being dramatic again.)
Wish there was more to say - but to keep going would just make me fall into a fugue.
And fuck that.

Best to think about what's going to happen after 4:54 pm today.....

Fitter, Happier, More Productive

I can't stand who I am when I'm here.
My whole life revolves around mentally forcing the clock to say 4:54 pm, so I can clock out.

Maybe the day will improve at Into The Woods tonight.

You Can Have Your Wish - But You Can't Just Wish

Yoga class this morning. I feel really good.
Technically there was an Into The Woods rehearsal today - but the first week or so everyone is going to be concentrating on music - so I was excused this morning. My next rehearsal is Monday.

Yesterday we played this theatre game where you pretend to throw an imaginary ball to another cast member, making sure to make eye contact with them and making a noise as you 'throw' - either DING, BANG, or POW.
I usually hate theatre games but this was kind of fun - even if some people tried to play it more like dodgeball - the key to it was the eye contract - yes I want the 'ball' or yes I'm about to throw you the 'ball'.

Then we worked on the Finale of ACT II and the Finale of ACT I. They may have people backstage singing into mics . So, I may have to be one of those people (at least for the ACT II Finale). And that's okay - but, man, does it take some stamina to get through those songs...

Anne kind of explained the rough idea of what my costume for Milky White will be like - or at least what they're leaning towards. It's going to involve something going over my arms to make them at lond as my legs - I'll be bent forward. She said they were going to try and get something approximate for me to use as soon as possible - which was one of my worries solved.

I'm looking forward to Monday's rehearsal. Anne mentioned working with certain people about character backstory - I wonder if I should be trying to imagine the life of a milkless milkcow right now? Maybe.

Man, that yoga class put me through my paces this morning. I can tell I'm not at the level I was back in October. I may go to the ashtanga class tomorrow morning....

Okay at some point today I need to call: Steve, Marcie, Todd, and Steve Miller (sorry Steve, you're like Charlie Brown you have to marry the first name with the last name).

I want to go see A Very Long Engagement at the Enzian tomorrow.

Me, Sarah, and Jeff went to Mark & Lorna's last night - Jeff tried out a new cocktail (well, new for us): A Sidecar. Very nice. Lorna was in rare form and they did the CHICAGO medley just for us. Always fun at the Red Fox.

I'm also very excited to say that I think Jeff's puppy has finally warmed up to me - which is nice. She was licking my face like crazy last night. And my nostrils. But it better than her 'don't-look-at-him-and-maybe-he'll-go-away' attitude that I have been getting.

Jeff's probably going to talk about this in great detail but we were listening to his copy of the British Cast of BAT BOY and let me tell you, for all the bullshit Americans get for doing British accents - that recording levels the playing field - there's not a single person in that show that doesn't sound like Tea and fucking Crumpets....Jeff will go into it...

Well, I'm off to Target...

A Spot Of Paint, Some Drapes, A New Throw Rug...

Well, as you can see, Rob reallys want to be near the top of my list of family-beyond-blood.
Who needs to learn HTML when you have a live-in IT guy?
His stock just shot up 23.456%

And I'd like to thank my special guest stars in my new pic: John Didonna as Frank N Furter & Todd Davis as Virgil (...cause he's on the verge...)

I'm tickled fucking pink right now.

I Am Gollum's Bride.

lol.
Fuck you and fuck your mother, as I like to say.
; ' )

I think I wear a size Small in capes - maybe I can try on Little Red's one night to get a better idea.

The First Day Of The Rest Of Your...Huh?

(before I begin let me just say - motherfucker - why is this blogger toolbar such a pain in the neck and an ache in the ass and a milky drip from the tip of a sore dick - I pick a font - okay - then a letter size - opps, the font changed - pick same font - opps, letter size shifted back - get those two under control, hit italics - opps, back to square one - get all those brush fires under control, change font color - motherfucker - it's like this horrible ritual - this angry god that demands tribute)

Yesterday was a great and productive day. I drove out to Sci Fi City, picked up an application (and found out that they have a boardgame for A Game Of Thrones - sort of looked like Risk and you could play as House Stark or House Lannister or House Tyrell or House Baratheon or House Greyjoy - my namesake - cool stuff). I had to hear about everyone's blog posts via phonecalls with Sarah (yes - I'm that addicted). Sarah and I had lunch at Donatos - there's always room for pizza - and we had a great conversation about what we wanted to do (you know dreaded Future Stuff - the subject matter I tend to want to ignore. I like the place we are in now. I think that things can only get better for us. And let me just make all of you throw up -- I have this huge smile on my face thinking about her right now). We talked about what we wanted to do when our leases were up, where we wanted to be five years from now, all that stuff.
I'm really excited about two jobs: The Downtown Library and The Cornell Museum at Rollins College. The Library would just be a great fit for me right now - personality-wise. This Museum job would be hard work but there is a huge bonus involved - if you work at Rollins you have your tuition waived. School - I could go back to school. I'm so excited about the idea of that. That would just - man - that would just - it would be like reordering my DNA - the universe would list to starboard - Ye Gods - so anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm excited.
So after my lunch with Sarah - who printed up some resumes for me - I dropped a resume off with Mad Cow Theatre and with UrbanThink Bookstore (right around the corner from Lowndes). The manager from UrbanThink even knew that Geoghagan was an Irish name, for some reason a lot of people look at it and think it's German - and that always bugs me.
Then I drove out to Rollins (yesterday was their registration for classes) and even though I couldn't register (no money honey) I wanted to - I don't know - get a feel for it. After that I drove to where the Cornell Museum is - there's a lot of construction and this BIG SIGN that says: COMING FALL 2005. So, it looks like the building is being remodeled.
From there (since I was so close) I drove to Park Avenue, walked around. Picked up another application from this children's bookstore called Fairy Tales. Went by Family Cards and Comics (I'd heard about it in Steve's Christmas Wishlist Article in The Weekly) - nice place but my OCD went into fucking overdrive - the place was a wreck - stacks of comics in mylar fucking everywhere - graphic novels on shelves - but in no logical order or grouping - DC mixed with Marvel mixed with Darkhorse mixed with Crossgen mixed with Image - Spiderman mixed with Batman - The Hulk mixed with Strangers In Paradise - I'm so compulsive but it would have given me nothing but joy to organize that whole store (the place is tiny). Set up better displays for all the toys and models.
Then I drove home - had a dinner at Jade Bistro with Sarah and Rob. This is funny, Rob was sort of mock annoyed by his placement on my little impromtu-family-is-more-than-blood list. And of course the list wasn't ranked in order of importance - just type type type. So I joked that I should come up with some sort of pie chart to show the exact amount of love I have for everybody - accompanied by statistics like --- Jeff Lindberg holds steady at 2.445% --- Stephen Miller up 3.14 --- Kevin and Megan receive a huge boost from the 'you guys live too far away' theorum.
Shipments of Mom lost over the Congo.

Blogger's First Rule: Never get upset about something you read about yourself on somebody else's blog

Not that Rob was actually upset but it just felt that the right time to write out what I think is a pretty basic idea for blogging and for having such an extended circle of people all writing and reading each other's posts. Nobody wants to be hamstrung because they know so and so is reading. It's a razor sharp line though. Cause I don't want to use my blog as a passive aggressive tool either. And not being very confrontational myself - I don't really want the first time you know I'm upset with you to be from my blog - that's not cool. But if I'm upset I want to be able to write about it. Jeff and I have talked about this many times - it is just a fine line. And I think that Blogger's First Rule (although it's hard for me to aways hold to it) is just the best way to deal with those kind of situations. Cause let's also remember that a lot of us spend a lot of time praising each other too. Ah, I love you guys.

After dinner, I went to Kevin and Marcie's to play some D&D. The game itself was a interlude game - our characters rested up - you'll all be happy to know that Marcie's character now has a Hawk familiar - super fucking cool. The three of us should no better than to game on a weeknight - we always spend the first hour chatting and laughing and talking - before we jump into the D&D. It was great, Kevin put in this greatest hits of 1999 that he gave to Marcie (to remind each other of 1999 cause that's when they got married) and that song where the guy just keeps saying, "I'm Blue Da do dee da da Da do dee da da" came on and Marcie really likes that song and I just thought that was funny and great and it made me happy and made me laugh and I'm still not sure why. I found out that they danced their first dance at their wedding to 'Dream A Little Dream' - such a sweet, beautiful song.

Then I drove home, gathered up a toothbrush and some pajamas and spend the night at Sarah's place. She was madly cleaning her bathroom. We watched a little TV - then went to sleep. Best day I can recall in a long time.

Woke up. Drove to the bank. Got out my money. Went home. Did my Envelopes. Wrote out my check for my insurance. Checked some blogs from yesterday. Wrote this post. Have no idea what I'm doing next. Tonight is the first rehearsal for Into The Woods. I'm pretty excited. I'm sure that there will be a whole new world of posts that will come from this show.

I'm going to say it: I miss Todd. Todd, you're reading this, I suppose. Hey, I miss you, man. Don't know when the next time I'll see you - probably when I usher for Go Left Right at Playfest. We need to go do something, soon.

Now, that's not to say that I don't miss 300 or 400 other people for various reasons (some people, like Emily, have been on my I Miss This Person List so long the ink has faded). You are all pretty. Which in a round about way reminds me to call Steve. Weird.

Well, I should probably shower and brush my teeth and figure out what to do for lunch and fill out applications and various other things.

Wouldn't it be funny if at this point in the post I decided to launch into that long ass bloated 150 question quiz that's lumbering from one blog to another like a fucking dinosaur? I love quizes but that one just seems like work to me. Now that I think about it, it's about time I jump back into the quiz writing game.

This year. Man.

"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."
--Cersei Lannister

Darling Your Head's Not Right

Just a quick hello and how are you type post - then gotta hop in the shower drive 3 million places -

Me? I'm A Song And Dance Man.

I feel so fucking.....good, light, I don't know.
And that's sort of a funny feeling for me
I'm like the junkie that feels like shit every morning and then gets off smack and wakes up and feels normal - but it feels weird to feel normal - anyway, enough Trainspotting logic -
I now feel really good.
I know there are plenty of unwritten pages ahead but things feel...possible.

That's the word for it: possible. A Possible Josh. A Possible Life. A Possible Future.
Mining the variations. Chaos theory. Self fulfilling prophecy. Red Ball.
Make Your Mind Up, Stupid Ho?
Possible.
I could break out into a song right now: America Fuck Yeah! would work, I think.

I'm glad that I'm not the tooth wiggler that I use to be. That I'm changing for the better.
That (today at least and tomorrow I hope) I can silence all the negativity brewing in the back of my brain -
that I don't have to be a slave to my predisposition for glass-half-empty thoughts.
I own you serotonin! HA HA HA.

Sarah. Jeff. Marcie. Stephen. Amber. Mom. Dad. Jessica. Michael. Emily. Gina. Geoff. Kevin. Megan. Kevin. Eric. Travis. Arjean. Brian. Tim. Missy. Dianne. David. Michael. Val. Fran. Kris. Caroline. Kim. John. Elizabeth. Larry. Todd. Tyler. Natalie. Steve. Jenn. Autumn. Miss Sally. Drew. Tammy. Jay. Brian. Paul. Rebecca. Brian. Mikey. Rob. Seth. Kim. Matt.

Wow. I'm a big believer in 'family' being more than just blood. And here a list of people I think of as my family. Some who are in my life a lot and some I don't get to see much. All of them important. All of them different (and like a real family - some of them wouldn't want to be in the same room with one another) I just suddenly felt the need to type all these names out really quick - so I could look at them.